Well, I’ve gone and done it. I’ve created a library for reading and parsing [GOPHER](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gopher_(protocol%29) files from PHP.
I’ve recently been playing with GOPHER again, and it’s been a great blast from the past. I even started a phlog (a GOPHER blog, basically). However, I realized that not everyone is awesome enough to use GOPHER, so I wanted to make my new phlog available via HTTP as well. Enter gopher-php.
You can find the library here on GitHub. It is quite tailor-made for my own usage, so it is pretty incomplete in terms of GOPHER features and support.
To see it in action, you can check out my phlog’s HTTP web frontend. In comparison, you can see my phlog via the GOPHER protocol by either visiting this link using a GOPHER client (lynx or by using a GOPHER web interface such as this one (link will take you to the phlog).